Hello everyone.
I hope everyones doing ok.
Lee and i didn't have a re go at things as i just couldn't, i couldnt do it for the wrong reasons and nor could Lee.
Lee doesn't Love me anymore and i couldn't try and live with someone who didn't love me.
I feel rejected, angry, hurt, upset every single feeling out there i am feeling and some days i find it very hard to even move or just to carry on.
I feel as though i cant live the rest of my life without Lee, hes been in my life for just over 16 years and now he doesn't want me, i cant deal with that no matter how much of a brave face i put on, i cant see any future my future with out him being in it, I'm heart broken i never knew you could cry with your eyes closed but i know u can now, every single second of the day I'm crying its just sometimes people cant see it.
I don't know what the future holds for me, i don't know whats going to happen but for now i just want to be left alone and grieve for someone who i have lost i have to be allowed to do that.
My whole life revolved around my boys and now one of them has gone, something has died inside me and if I'm honest i don't want to be here any more because i just don't want to hurt anymore I've never been so hurt before in my entire life and its something i wouldn't want to wish on anyone.
NO ONE knows how this feels unless you've been through it, its just not the case of getting back up brushing yourself down and starting again as easy as all that seems.
I need to deal with this on my own so i can sort out something hell if i know what.
I don't even think Lee knows how much I'm hurting but looking back on things i know he hasn't been in love with me for a very long time he was just doing the things he did because of Leyton it must of been hard for him to live like that for so long and i am so so sorry to him for everything I've ever done or said but its to late no matter how many times i say sorry i will never ever be able to get back what i had.
I don't know where i go from here, I'm going to give myself a couple of months to try and get over this as much as i can and then i suppose i will go from there.
Anyway i just wanted to let you all know what had happened.
Take good care of you and your families
All my love Ali
-x-
































